If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
I'm single because I was born that way.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.