Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

I'm single because I was born that way.