When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.