I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.