Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.