Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Men are as faithful as their options.

I'm single because I was born that way.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

No good deed goes unpunished.