Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.