If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.