What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
I'm single because I was born that way.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.