May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I drink to make other people more interesting.