I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

Women are made to be loved not understood.