In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.