A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.