It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.