Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!