I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.