We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.