I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.