The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.