Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

No good deed goes unpunished.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.