I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?