I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.