If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?