Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Men are as faithful as their options.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.