Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
