I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!