Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.