I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
