Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.