I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.