There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.