Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.