He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.