We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

I'm single because I was born that way.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.