My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.