War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.