I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.