I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
No good deed goes unpunished.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.