Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.