If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
I'm single because I was born that way.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.