I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.