I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.