There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.