There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.