If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.