Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.