It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.