Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Men are as faithful as their options.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.