Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.