I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.