There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.