You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Men are as faithful as their options.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.