If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.