Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.