Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.