He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.