Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.