I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.