Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!