If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.