There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
No good deed goes unpunished.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.