I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
