I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity