Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.