When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.