There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.