You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.