Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.