What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.