You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.