I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.