There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.