It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.