I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!