Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.