I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

I'm single because I was born that way.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?