Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Men are as faithful as their options.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.