One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.