What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.