I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.