Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.