Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.