No good deed goes unpunished.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I'm single because I was born that way.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.