It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
No good deed goes unpunished.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.