I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Sex is an emotion in motion.