I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.