If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?