In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
No good deed goes unpunished.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Sex is an emotion in motion.