Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

I'm single because I was born that way.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.