Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
No good deed goes unpunished.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Men are as faithful as their options.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.