Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.